If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
