i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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