dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
