What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
