So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
