I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
