I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
