I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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