I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
