I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
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Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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