I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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