i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
