whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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