Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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