Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
