all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
