shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You almost got us killed.
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