whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
