isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
