Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't put those talents on a resume
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
