People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
