is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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