Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
