I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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