I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
