Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
