I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
