hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
