Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize