The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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