This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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