Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
