dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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