I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
