I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
