You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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