omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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