I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think your dad took our porno
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
