I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
