hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
