i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
