eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
