A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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