there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
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