i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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