Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
be right there i have to get my cape
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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