This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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