I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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