bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
