Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
