Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i believe in u and ur pee
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