I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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