dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
