So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
